


Heartbreak and Healing

by scruffandyarn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Miscarriage, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scruffandyarn/pseuds/scruffandyarn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was for a request sent in to angelsxreader.tumblr.com</p><p>Gabriel and reader are expecting, but unfortunately, the worst happens while he's away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbreak and Healing

Three weeks. That’s how much longer you were supposed to be pregnant. That’s when you were supposed to be in the hospital, delivering your baby. Not now. Not with so much blood.

.

It had all started earlier that morning. Gabriel had some business to take care of, upstairs, and since you weren’t due to give birth for almost another month, he left you in the care of Sam and Dean Winchester.

.

“Now, if you need anything, these two knuckleheads know that they need to get it for you, right?” Gabriel turned to the brothers who were busy rolling their eyes, effectively missing you rolling your own.

“Gabe, sweetheart, everything is fine. I can get my own stuff. I don’t need to be waited on.” Yes, you felt as big as a house, but you weren’t completely helpless.

“I thought all pregnant women liked to be waited on.” Sam cocked his head to the side.

“I thought all women, period, liked to be waited on.” You rolled your eyes again at Dean’s comment. Men.

“Don’t worry, Gabriel.” Sam ignored his brother. “We’ll take care of ______ and the baby.”

“Yeah, the baby who’s totally going to be named Dean, right?” Oh, no.

“Please don’t leave me here with this.” You gave Gabriel your best puppy-dog face, which only earned you a laugh.

“I love you.” Gabriel leaned over and kissed your temple. Then he leaned over further and kissed your belly. “And I love you, baby girl.” With one last smile, he vanished.

“Can we get you anything?” You were touched by their sincerity, but what you really needed was something they couldn’t help with.

“Nope,” You started walking down the hall of the bunker.

“Seriously, ______, what are you going for? Gabriel will kill us, again, if you do anything.” Dean tried to stop you, but you jerked your arm away from his grasp. Sam, the irritating lug that he was, jumped in front of you to stop you.

“Dude, the baby is sitting on my bladder, so unless you’re gonna pee for me, get out of my way.”

“Oh.” Immediately, both men backed off and out of your path.

“Thank you.” You growled and made your way into the bathroom.

.

You were on your third bathroom trip of the morning. The moment you realized something was off, you shouted out for the brothers. Less than a second later, Dean and Sam had busted open the bathroom door, Dean with his gun drawn and Sam with the demon blade at the ready.

“What’s wrong, ______?” Both men were looking around the tiny bathroom for any signs of trouble, while simultaneously trying to avoid looking at you, hunched over, still on the toilet.

“Cramp. Bad cramp.” You pointed to your back. Both men holstered their weapons. “All the way through. Baby’s coming.” The pain intensified.and you whimpered. “Too early—fuck, that hurts!” 

“Alright, um—do you think you can make it to the car?” You shook your head, your arms wrapped around your belly. Tears formed in your eyes. “Do you need to finish there, or something?” 

“I’m all finished, just—fuck!” That pain in your back—it felt like someone was stabbing you with a knife all the way through your stomach.

“You’re not wearing underwear?” Shit, Dean could be dense sometimes.

“No.” It was too much of an effort trying to pull them back up after bathroom breaks for you to bother with them. You hadn’t really bothered with them for a few weeks now. Not that you had the strength or the energy to tell him all that.

“You sure you can’t walk?”

“Dean!” Sam pushed past him to stop in front of you. “______, I’m going to pick you up and carry you to the car, OK?” You nodded, unable to speak without crying. No one had ever told you it was going to hurt this badly. “OK, here we go.” He slipped one arm under your knees and used the other one to support your back as he lifted you. Somehow, he made you feel like you weighed nothing to him. “Dean, get the—” Sam nodded to the toilet. Cringing, Dean stepped over to it.

“Dude, that’s a lot of blood.” 

It wasn’t supposed to be blood. It was supposed to be clear—that’s why they called it your ‘water’ breaking. Through your pain, panic began to set in.

“Blood? I’m bleeding?” You looked up at Sam and then over at Dean. “I’m not supposed to be bleeding.”

“Shit.”

.

You’d prayed to Gabriel the entire trip to the hospital. You knew Sam and Dean were doing the same, adding in prayers to Cas, who was helping Gabriel in heaven—hoping one of them would hear. Neither of them answered.

The hospital was a blur of white lab coats and green scrubs. You had been given a shot of something that made you feel a little loopy. The doctors were doing something to you, but you weren’t really paying attention. You only caught a few words of the conversation between the medical personnel and the Winchester brothers. Words like ‘uterine contractions’ and ‘blood clots’ as well as ‘dilation’ and ‘curettage’ danced around in your mind. It wasn’t until you heard the word ‘miscarriage’ that you tried to shake the fog from your brain.

“What’s going on?” You blinked several times, taking in the distraught looks both Sam and Dean were wearing. They both looked like they’d been crying or were about to cry—neither of which could mean anything good.

“Um…______, you were having some contractions. That’s the pain you were feeling.” Sam came and stood by your bed. Dean just continued to stare at you with glassy eyes.

“Sam, what the fuck are you trying to tell me?”

“She—the baby—she wasn’t ready yet. She didn’t make it.”

“No.” He was a lying sack of shit, and that’s all there was to it. How cruel could someone be to lie about that?

“I’m so sorry.”

“No—no, doctor,” you looked past Sam at the doctor who was still standing near Dean. “Tell them there’s been some sort of mistake.”

“I’m sorry.” She looked on the verge of tears, too.

“No!” You tried to climb out of the bed. “You tell me where the fuck my baby is, right now, or so help me—” Sam had to physically restrain you from getting off the bed. “Sam, where’s my baby?” You whispered, not wanting to believe what they were telling you. “Please?” Your bottom lip began to tremble. “Please don’t—just tell me where she is.” Tears began to slip from your eyes. The look on his face said it all. “No.”

Your body tried to curl in on itself at the sheer weight of this pain. Sam still held you down even as his own tears began to fall, trying to keep you from injuring yourself as you shook and thrashed with sobs. You couldn’t stop yourself from screaming with the physical heartbreak that wracked your entire body.

.

Hours later, you cracked your eyes open at the sound of wings fluttering. Gabriel. You didn’t really want to do anything other than surrender back to the temporary numbness of sleep, so you closed your eyes and tried to focus on your breathing.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Dean was on his feet, hissing at the archangel, not wanting to wake you.

“I’m sorry—I couldn’t leave.” He sounded so weary and beaten down. That meant he already knew.

“What the hell could be more important than being here to help her through that?” That was Sam.

“Do you honestly think I wanted to be somewhere else?” Gabriel snapped.

“And what about you? You just decide to ignore our prayers—today of all fucking days?”

“We were detained.” Cas tried to explain. You hadn’t realized he’d come in, but at the moment, you really didn’t care.

“Detained—detained by what?” Could they all just shut the fuck up and let you sleep?

“I think we need to give them some privacy.” Cas said.

“Oh, hell n—” the sound of wings cut off whatever Dean was going to say.

“______?” Tentatively, Gabriel approached your bed. “Sweetheart?”

“Now you decide to show up?” You opened your eyes. “You couldn’t show up for a few goddamn minutes to keep your baby from dying?” Anger seemed to be the only emotion you were capable of. “I’m sorry, you obviously had more important things to do.”

“That’s not fair.” You finally noticed his bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face.

“No—you know what isn’t fair?” You sucked in a breath through your teeth, trying not to break out into sobs again. “I lost my baby and you couldn’t even be bothered for five fucking minutes.”

“She was my baby too.” He was trying to keep his own anger in check even though you were breaking him with your accusations. “You think I didn’t want to be here?”

“Then why weren’t you here? Why—why did I have to go through this without you?” You couldn’t hold back anymore, and your body started to shake again with the force of your crying. It wasn’t but a moment later that you felt him crawling onto the hospital bed with you, pulling you into his arms. Without your mind’s consent, your hands clung to him. Even as angry as you were, you needed him.

“I’m so sorry.” His voice broke with his own tears. He clung to you just as tightly as you did to him. 

Your anger was breaking an already torn-up angel. You had no right to be angry. It was your fucking body that couldn’t handle carrying a child. He’d wanted her just as much as you had. It wasn’t his fault that you weren’t strong enough to give him the child he loved. It wasn’t his fault that your body wasn’t strong enough to carry the archangel’s baby.

“Stop it.” He grabbed your shoulders tightly and held you so that he could look in your eyes. “Don’t you dare think that this is your fault.”

“But it is. It’s my body that couldn’t carry her full term. It’s my body that miscarried three fucking weeks shy of her due date. Gabe—we only had three weeks left, and I broke her. I killed her. She’s never gonna live because of me.”

“It is not your fault.” He practically growled at you. “I should have been here. I should never have left.”

“There shouldn’t have been any problems.” You insisted. You’d just had a check-up a few weeks ago, and everything was fine! “I’m so sorry, Gabe. Please don’t hate me. I don’t think I could live with you hating me, too. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop, please.” He hated how helpless he felt.

“She’s gone and it’s all my fault.” He pulled you close again, leaving gentle kisses all over your face.

“I love you, so much.” Your sobs hit you again, and he tucked your head against his chest, resting his cheek on your head even as he began to cry with you.

“I love you, too.” You choked out, hoping he understood what you said because there was no way you could force any more words out. 

It was then you felt a shift in the air around you and you instinctively knew he was sheltering the two of you with his wings. For at least a few hours, he’d be able to keep the rest of the world out. Given time, you’d both be able to heal. But right now, you took comfort in being able to grieve together.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I feel like this could be so much better than it is, but I find that I am unable to reread it (which is pretty necessary for editing). Having had a miscarriage, it was hard enough writing it and actually getting down what I did and the few times I've attempted rereading, I don't get very far before I wind up drowning in my own emotions. So I apologize that this is less than stellar.


End file.
